Our world is malleable. Reality is like Play-Doh. 

We are the sculptors. We can shape our surroundings to fit into any desire. 

The first step is to select our language consciously. Because our words create our lives. 

Every syllable that we speak either frees or imprisons us.

On one hand, we can employ empowering language to liberate ourselves from the confines of our beliefs and to become the creators of our ultimate potential. I call this “creator language.”

“Creator language” reclaims our divinity so that we can live as the architects of our entire existence. “I am the creator of my reality,” is the mantra of the creator. 

Creator language activates our sovereignty. It arises from our Truth. It is filled with limitless beliefs – the expansive thoughts that reflect our infinite nature. It makes life happen for us, by us and through us.

Creator language inspires us to design lives that some only may dream of. It even can spark lives that no one has dreamed of before. 

On the other hand, we can use disempowering language to hold ourselves hostage by the limitations of our own minds and to remain the victims of our self-inflicted suffering. I call this “victim language.”

“Victim language” extinguishes our creative fire. “This happened to me,” and, “They did this to me,” are the constant complaints of the victim. 

Victim language abdicates our sovereignty. It is not based on Truth. It is filled with limiting beliefs – the constricting thoughts that we have been programmed to believe. It lets life happen to us.

Victim language keeps us stuck in patterning that repeatedly generates old experiences and realities. It even can spawn the nightmare version of our lives.

The decision is ours and ours alone: We can communicate as victims or creators. We can stay limited, or we can become limitless. 

If you want to evolve from a victim into a creator, then you can start by deleting the following 10 words from your vocabulary:

Top 10 Victim Words

Have (to)

Need (to)


These words wreak more pressure, anxiety and unhappiness than most other words. Because they imply that we have no alternative, demoting us to victims of the situation. Furthermore, they trick us into believing that we have no control over how we feel or what we want. 

For example, a friend calls to hang out, and we reply: “I can’t tonight. I have to work.” 

 Is that true? Do we have to?

No. We do not actually have to do anything. Seriously. We don’t have to do anything. Everything in life is a choice – even life itself.

This does not mean that our actions don’t incur repercussions. If we go out with our friend instead of working, then we might work late afterward or double our efforts tomorrow so that we keep our job. Or we might not and then get fired. Still, we hold the choice.

Creators do not “have to” work; they choose to work. So, let’s take a breath, feel into our friend’s request to hang out, and consider some different options:

  1. Blow off work now. Hang out with friend. Work late when we get home or double tomorrow. Keep job.
  2. Hang out with friend. Blow off work entirely. Get fired.
  3. Tell friend we choose to work now instead of hanging out. Keep job.

Elevate “have to,” “need to” and “must” with these examples of creator language: 

  1. Choose to
  2. Get to
  3. Want to
  4. Excited to

Notice whether you perceive an energetic difference between saying, “I have to work,” and, “I get to work.” What do you see, sense or feel? Observe whether your level of resistance or stress changes when you shift from victim language to creator language. 




“I could have, would have and should have done better …”

Is that true? Doubtful.

We are doing the best we can in all moments. If we could have done better, then we would have. If we should have done something else, then we would have.

We are doing exactly what we are supposed to be doing in every moment. 

Why? Because that is what is happening. The universe does not make mistakes, nor do we.

 The victim language of “should,” “would” and “could” implies that what we are doing right now is not what’s right for us. It triggers internal doubt, blame and shame as we consciously and subconsciously tell ourselves that our decisions are incorrect. 

That is not true for a creator. Creators consistently fulfill their right actions because they operate from autonomy.

Even a comment as simple as: “I should not be relaxing right now. I should be working,” lands us in victim mode.

In this case, the victim is actually right. If their narrative is, “Relaxing is wrong,” then true relaxation is impossible. And it’s time to switch the thought or to get up and work. Unless self-flagellation is what they consciously elect.

The world constantly tells us how we should look, feel and be. Instead of compounding this tension, we can support ourselves. 

Here are some ways to replace “should,” “would” and “could” with creator language:

  1. Will
  2. Will not
  3. Can
  4. Want

For example, instead of saying: “Ah, I should call my mom today. I forgot her birthday because I’m a bad child,” we can uplift the narrative by saying: “When I am free later, I will call my mom and wish her a happy birthday. I also will tell her that I simply forgot to call and I apologize for missing her special day.” 



 Listen to how often we say, “Well, I never would do that,” or, “I always do this.”

 Is that true? Probably not.

 When we use words such as “never” and “always,” we are projecting our current thoughts onto a future situation, which limits our future actions and experiences. 

 How do we know how we will think, feel or behave in the future? We do not. All we can do is be present with how we are in this moment. 

For example, I have been practicing and teaching yoga for 15 years. I am a peaceful person, yet I do not strangle my future by declaring, “I always am calm,” “I never get angry,” or, “I never would fight because I am a pacifist.”

Striking “always” and “never” from our speech makes us more present so that we can act from free will instead of conditioning. When we are present, we can match the energy of the situation before us and can intuit the right language or action that will serve us and the wholeness. 

This obliterates the obligation to behave in ways that may not be right for our future selves. This can decrease our stress and increase our happiness and joy.

We also tend to leverage these superlatives to judge the conduct of ourselves and others. Removing them from our verbiage encourages us to be nonjudgmental and equal to all. In this state, we can access and create our highest realities.


“But” discredits the previous statement.

For example, if we say to a friend, “I really like your outfit today, but isn’t it a little too revealing?” then the compliment loses its potency. We also tell another sovereign being what is right for them, which we don’t know because we are not them. 

We frequently use “but” unconsciously. For example:

  1. “I want to be in love, but who would love me?”
  2. “I want to make some healthy changes, but it’s too hard.”
  3. “I could do better, but I don’t know what to do.”

Abandon the word “but.” Adopt “and” instead:

  1. “I want to be in love, and I will find someone who loves me.”
  2. “I want to make some healthy changes, and I know it’s hard, so I will find a coach.”
  3. “I can do better, and that’s OK because I will try to do so.”

By upleveling our language to “and,” we take charge of our lives.


 The nemesis of possibility!

This one word can open or close the boundless realms of potentiality – instantly.  

There is nothing we cannot do – unless we believe that to be true. There merely may be things we are unable to do yet.

Notice when the word “can’t” thunders and instantly slow down. Take a breath and ask, “Is this true?”

It most certainly is not.

Maybe there is an unwillingness to do something or an underlying fear of inability. 

Trade “can’t” for “yet” or statements of curiosity. For example, eliminate victim language such as:

  1. “I can’t figure this out.”
  2. “I can’t be loved.”
  3. “We can’t hit our goals.”

Instead, try this creator language:

  1. “I don’t know how to figure this out yet, and I will.”
  2. “I don’t feel loved yet, and I know I can be.”
  3. “How can we hit our goals?”


From now on, wield your words wisely. 

Pay attention over the next few days or weeks to the language within and all around you. Start to notice without judgment what really is being said behind every syllable.

Writing the 10 victim words on sticky notes and placing them throughout your house can remind you to enhance them when they pop up.

You even can invite your community in on the challenge. A fun game I play with coaching clients is to call each other out gently whenever we use these words. This illuminates the belief systems and judgments that lock us in victim mode so that we can upgrade them.

Once your awareness builds, then begin to select creator words. This will embolden you to make right actions in every present moment.

Be the creator. Get present, stay open and invoke creator language to manifest your ultimate reality. 

Change your language, and you will change your life.


Ready to shift the way you think, speak and live into that of the creator?

Then we should have a conversation about coaching. Contact me HERE if you are ready.